There’s a song written and sung by Adele titled “When We Were Young.” I had heard it before the pandemic but like with anything time has a way of evolving the way something resonates with you. Life is fluid and because you are a part of life, are too. Something I used to hold myself to were belief systems of others and/or dated belief systems of mine. I’ll give you an example. Being on time means being 15 minutes early. And this was a rule I not only held myself accountable to but others, unknowingly, as well. The amount of anxiety I would experience on a daily basis simply transitioning from home to work would measure at a 7 out of 10. More often than not, I would end up 30 - 20 minutes early. That was until the nature of my job changed. The company I worked for provided staffing and recruiting services. I started as a recruiter. Like inside sales, I sat at a desk, providing a service - a job - to a person. After a few years there I was promoted to an outside sales position. One I worked tremendously hard to get. Instead of sitting at a desk the majority of the day, I was now on the road meeting with potential customers we could hire for. If you’ve ever lived in a large metropolis, you know how unpredictable it can be. I was living and working in a city called Bellevue, which is roughly 10 miles east of Seattle, Washington. It wasn't uncommon to have scheduled meetings in Seattle. As you can imagine, accidents happen, construction can reroute hundreds of thousands of people, rain, etc. After the first handful of times, you are running late and calling the client to let them know, not a single time were they mad. If anything, it would be met with laughter, an “I’ve been there before” one-liner, and I’ll see you when you get here. That type of response helped me to reevaluate and rewrite that rule of 15 minutes early. Because I didn’t make it, that program came from my mom and dad, but I took it into adulthood. Today, being on time doesn’t mean too much to me. Of course, if I’ve made a date for something, I intend on keeping it. That being said, God laughs when you make plans. None of us have control over what is going on around us and for that, it is important to remember that you can’t control your environment but you can your response. It's like people complaining about the weather. What a waste of breath and a weak way to build a connection with people. Weather isn't inherently good or bad. It just is. You give words meaning. You give life meaning. And if life from your perspective kind of sucks, pick one thing and create a new vantage point. Imagine what you want the piece of your life to look like. It isn’t necessary to know the how. Simply knowing the “what” will align you with it.
If I were to ask you, what rule, agreement, or belief do you have that isn’t serving you? You may ask, how do I know if something I am doing isn’t serving me? The answer to that is simple. Your behavior originates from a place of fear. Remember the only two originations of our actions are fear and love. Ego or heart. Open or closed. Accepting or judgmental. Imprisoned or free. Since all we truly have is this very moment, you can decide now, to relinquish the rule or belief that is hindering you in life. It is energy, just like you are. Imagine it leaving your fingertips as you sprinkle it in the air. Thank it for getting you this far. Thank it for everything it provided to you but you are no longer in need of its services. And now, just as important as releasing the old, is bringing in the new. What is the new agreement going to be? What is the new energy you are in inviting going to feel like? Radiate that feeling from your core.
Whatever story you are looking to rewrite is going to take much practice. Depending on how old you are in relation to the habit is precisely how many years of programming you are rewriting. If everything is energy, imagine the amount of energy behind the behavior. What if it was something that has been in your family for decades? Like alcoholism in mine? I’ve repaired my relationship with alcohol after abusing it for years. You can too. There was a part of me when I was younger that thought I was invincible. I think that’s a pretty common feeling for most at some point in time. Or that I knew everything. I’m not saying your parents know everything, at all. I’m suggesting not to close your heart and mind off to the world because when you stop growing you die. If you aren’t learning, you aren’t growing. My mother would tell me alcoholism runs in our family. My dad wouldn’t eat dinner on certain nights that he drank because he couldn’t get as drunk with food in his belly. My mom and stepdad didn’t have alcohol in the house until I got into high school but I haven’t known my mother to not have a Black Velvet on the rocks with a splash of water nightly for over a decade. And unless she was sick, always more than one. I did 10 days in jail in my early twenties for multiple alcohol charges while on probation. My sister has been in two severe drinking and driving accidents. Of course, from the outside looking in, it is clear as day. But when you are living in a cycle of behavior, karmic in nature, you are blind to it. That is why it is always easier to identify where someone else’s choice isn’t in alignment with who they are.
I’m not sure what a common theme for a man would be because I am not a man but a common one that I’ve seen with my friends growing up is being attracted to someone who treats them poorly. Damn, so have I, and I promise I’ll share about mine sometime but I’m not talking about me right now. It was always clear as day when one of my friend’s romantic interests was giving more to the person than they were receiving in return. Or they were allowing behaviors to transpire that showed that they didn’t have much value in themselves. Their partner stays out all night and not communicating with them anything. The relationship starts with date nights multiple times a week to being penpals because the person they are dating now has prior engagements that prevent them from being available. All of these are learned of course from mom or dad and then continued to be nurtured by society and the individual beholding the values. When I say learned from mom and dad, I mean that you saw how mom and dad treated each other. You saw how mom and dad allowed themselves to be treated by others. And all before you had self-awareness which is the checks and balances in life for you. The ability to say, hmm… I’m not sure about that. But like I said before if something doesn’t feel good inside of you. Be calm, sit still and ask yourself, why? I promise you will get an answer. Soul work is not easy but if I can do it, so can you. And the rewards are sweeter than any love you could imagine because it’s the love you have for yourself. And the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.
What rule are you rewriting? How you are showing up differently for yourself starting right NOW?