I started making and sharing videos on YouTube in December of 2022. I am sharing a video on Core Values today and wanted to share some writing I did on the topic, as well.
If you haven’t checked them out, click on the videos tab at the top. It will direct you to my channel. I'd love to foster a relationship with you there!
I started seeing a counselor in 2017 after years of pain in my heart. My job was a pressure cooker at all times and my family wasn’t bringing me joy either. It wouldn’t be until 2020 that I saw the narcissistic ways of my mother, the selfishness of my older sister and stepfather, and the anger, meanness, and savageness of my younger sister. I know today that we pick every single detail about our lives. I picked my parents, my siblings, and every single event to happen “for” me. What I also know is that when something is causing you pain, regardless of who or what it is, you are not required to keep them in your life. I attempted many times with my family to have a dialogue about how they were impacting me but it fell on deaf ears. It was met with defensiveness and fear. The roles we play within families or close circles can be deeply embedded into us.
In 2020, by some miracle, I finally found freedom from the shackles I had allowed to be put on me as a child and continued to honor as an adult. And you may ask yourself what happened? This can be explained by traveling down two paths. The first was the fact that I knew there was a pain in my heart. I knew there had to be a better way. I started to seek out help in the form of talk therapy. I had hope. The second was fate. It was all part of the life plan I had created before I incarnated. My awakening had started. My soul was pounding so hard on my physical reality that it was impossible not to feel it. The day I was suspended from the job I had spent thousands of hours committing myself to, a tree I owned turned to gold in front of me. Yes, you read that correctly. A green tree, a pussy willow to be exact, turned to gold. I wasn’t and am still not religious but know of the story of Moses and the burning bush. It’s as if even if I tried to look away, I could see. That started my relationship with God in this life. The faith and gift of God’s presence in my life.
One of the most helpful exercises I did while rewriting how life worked for me that year was something called a value sort or a core value sort.
In life, sometimes we can become so good at abandoning ourselves and serving others that we don’t even know what our true needs are. That is where the exercise of a value sort is very helpful. There are over 200 core values identified. I’m going to list a few below but I would google Core Value now. After reviewing a list, which ones do you hold near and dear? Are they yours? Are they someone else’s? How many do you share with your parents/guardians? How many differ from your parents/guardians? For me, I held a lot of the same values as the cult I worked for under the disguise of them being my own. How do they make you feel when you identify with them? For example, using an “I AM statement". “I AM LOVE". I AM CARING". Do they fill you with warmth? Or does something else happen inside of your body? What I implore you to do, is review a list and ask yourself which values you are prioritizing today. Why? Are they yours? Are they societies? Are they your partners? Your bosses? Your parents?
Honesty
Integrity
Wisdom
Autonomy
Loyalty
Abundance
Kindness
Charity
Respect
Courage
Then, rewrite them. Make new agreements with and for yourself. Pick out 10 of them that resonate with YOU on a soul level. Those will be your new compass in life. When you start a new project or are engaging with a friend, whatever the experience in life you are being presented with, ask yourself, “how does this align with the core values I align myself to?" This will give you a beacon of light to start to find your way home and remember who YOU are at your core because you were born into this life whole and in balance. Instead of parents or guardians seeking to find out who you are, many of us were told who to be. The beauty is, you get to rewrite the script. You are the master creator. You are the hero of your cosmic journey.
When you feel lost, disillusioned, or are seeking clarity, refer to the values you identified for yourself. Remember, we are constantly either evolving or devolving and because of that, it is important to review your values and see what is the same and what has changed whenever you see necessary.
You will find, once you have identified the values and are embodying them, it will become much easier to know what your needs are from moment to moment because it was always with you but became silenced by the abandonment of yourself. I’ve heard Richard Rohr define a born-again Christian as the warming of one’s heart. That is what I would define remembering yourself as. It’s like falling back in love with yourself even if you didn’t know you had strayed.
If you would like help with outlining and putting into practice the sorting of values, book one-on-one time with me! My mission in life is to help people fall back in love with themselves and God has gifted me with the ability to do so. I love you. You are loved and love simply because it is true. Not for anything you do or don’t do.
Love,
Tiffany Hill Cook