“Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend”
Kurt Cobain – Nirvana
My awakening was in 2020 and at that time, I did a lot of writing. Normally, I would wake up naturally around 3 or 4 in the morning with the need to write. It wasn’t quite like automatic writing, which is a gift that many have and utilize in their partnership with spirit, but I would write for about an hour on my laptop and couldn’t believe what I had produced once I would go back and read it. The books I traditionally read were business or self-development focused. I didn’t read for pleasure but rather because of the pressure I felt from my peers to mirror their behavior. Books would be given to me at the office by someone stating, “I just got done reading this book and I think it could really help you”. I would hold on to them for a couple of months, collecting dust on my desk or in my car, before returning it to them. I wouldn’t lie about reading it but never knew I could say no, or I’m not interested in the offering when first presented to me. My ego was so fragile that I wanted everyone to like me. To me, I didn’t see the value of reading or writing and didn’t even know that it was a dimension of myself that longed to be expressed.
Today, I don’t live in a world of absolutes and what I share with you will vary depending on what I am led to. Remember, gray is a color that exists in life. My intention is to share wisdom with you weekly, on a scheduled basis with the understanding that God laughs when you make plans. Living in the flow and allowing source energy to guide me is starting to feel more and more like home. Surrendering to God’s will and the lack of control that we are all subject to here on earth. We do have the ability to create our environment and how we respond to our personal experiences.
Vulnerability and authenticity are values that I hold near and dear to my heart. I know it is because I didn’t get a lot of it growing up or in my adult life either. I wasn’t authentic to myself or others for many many years. An area that I am still evolving in is experiencing things for what they are and not being emotionally motivated because it impacts my ability to feel clearly. An example of this happened to me recently. I met with someone who had a skill set that I was looking for to help with my business. After an initial meeting of an hour, we were both full steam ahead with our perspective homework items. It wasn’t until a week later that I realized where the pit in my stomach was coming from. I didn’t ask a single technical question to this person, didn’t ask for any references, their intentions, nothing. Of course, I projected onto them my vision and emotions. And whatever this person was really feeling was not even relevant to me at the moment. As long as they were nodding their heads and smiling, the story I told myself is that they were feeling the same way I was. That’s a dangerous place to live, in a world of assumptions. And of course, not fair to the person sitting across from me. Have you ever been in a situation where you can feel yourself being swept up in someone else’s dynamism? Do you find yourself saying yes things purely based on the high energy of the moment? Same. I am aware of this tendency in myself and because of that, I have already separated myself from the action. I am now in the observer chair. At least with that experience. With the intention of slowing down in life to feel, listen, accept, appreciate, and love more.
I look forward to imbibing with you and want to create a space where people feel safe to come as they are. I want to hear from you. What do you want to read? What resonates with you? How did reading or watching something I shared impact you? What I know to be true is that everyone has a story that I can learn from. One of the most favorite parts of my day is looking forward to the people I get to meet. People show up seemingly out of thin air sometimes but have the deepest impact on me. Thank you for sharing your time and energy with me.